I finished painting my daughter’s room. Dark grey. I protested, not a little. She stood firm (ooh, I raised an independent girl. A fact which bites me in the butt sometimes). It wasn’t until I got all the way around with the first coat, and could see it more or less in a complete state, that I realized it looks nice. Tara said, “I like how you called it ‘my cave’ Mom, because it is! It’s my cave!”
Grey. What a color.
I want to know her desperately. And, she shares a lot, but she is also very private. I think it is the time when I will begin to be left out of a significant portion of her life inside her head. I don’t want to let her get that far away from me. I think she is such an incredible person who is so different from me and so interesting and amazing, I just want the inside scoop forever. But now she has a cave, and it’s her space. Not mine.
Conscious Engagement 
as a mid-teenager, I distanced myself from my mom quite a bit. But when I went to college we fell into a nice pattern where we talk almost every day or every other day and just call when we want a friendly voice or when something exciting or disappointing happens… I hope you’ll find the same thing on the other side of these years.
So far, Miss T has not really distanced herself, per se. So I feel totally lucky. If she continues to communicate with me at least this much through the rest of her teen years, I’ll be happy. But yes, it would be great if she could open up more on the other side of teen, and share all the new, grown-up thoughts she is having.
Thanks for your encouragement, Fish. You are a neat person, like Tara is, so I imagine your mom didn’t want to lose touch with you either. It’s nice to hear the story from the other side!
I’m now best friends with my mom, and I’m in my mid-twenties. During my teens I definitely needed my own space.
I also wanted to paint my room completely black, which neither parent allowed. ^_^
I’m sure you’re an awesome mom, and I’m sure you and Tara will be able to gain that deep connection on the other side of the teens. 🙂
J, I love your consistent support. Thank you!