I woke thinking about New Zealand. I am a little late to recall this anniversary, but it was about a year ago when we spent two weeks there on a Lord of the Rings tour. What a marvelous, marvelous life I lead. I woke up with gratitude.
Gratitude for my health as well. First, we were blasted with painful sunburns, as you can see in the photos above. Oh my goodness did we get fried in the brilliant January sun as we hiked Rangitoto Island all day long. But moreso, gratitude that today, I am not as sick as I was exactly a year ago today.
About the time I was recovering from the nasty sunburn, I got the sniffles. It turned into a persistent cough. I coughed and coughed. For two weeks in New Zealand, it grew worse and more troublesome for both of us. I coughed and coughed all night long, keeping us both awake. During the daytimes, I was on my DREAM VACATION so I was not going to rest or lay low. I happily exhausted myself, then coughed and coughed some more.
I am fortunate enough to not suffer from any respiratory allergies, so it took entirely too long for us to figure out what was going on: allergies. I’m allergic to something that is in the air in summertime in New Zealand. Pedro and I hit up pharmacies all over New Zealand, trying one medication after another, with only mild improvement. I just prayed that it would clear up when I got home.
It did not. I got much worse when I returned home. I do not know why, but my guess is that my body was worn out, and without the adrenalin rush every day to keep me going, I collapsed physically.
Then it got even worse: I coughed so hard my throat swelled up and I couldn’t breathe. This has happened before, sadly. I don’t know…my body just does coughing so well that my throat gets worn raw and on rare occasions, it swells up with inflammation, and no air goes through. This was the third time it has happened. The first was on Thanksgiving Day in 2018. To survive, I must, in the middle of fear, and not breathing, I must calm myself and wait. Then gently take the tiniest breath, so that no reaction is triggered, until my heart stops pounding and my throat relaxes a little more.
I went to community urgent care. I called on-call nurses. I tried more medications. Most of the health professionals told me I was overreacting, there was no way I really couldn’t breathe, and told me to calm down and take more meds.
Then it got worse: I was so sick and the not breathing thing lasted so long that this time it triggered actual panic attacks that manifested as me not being able to breathe. Again, it took such a long time to figure this out!! It was actually my therapist who helped (Thank goodness I randomly had an appointment in the middle of this). We are talking WEEKS of nightly panic attacks in which I could not breathe. So…I was terrified to go to sleep because I thought I would die. I looked up YouTube videos on how to do emergency tracheotomies so that Pedro could save me (for some reason, he wasn’t as convinced of my imminent death as I was, heh heh).
It was like those Nightmare on Elm Street horror movies that were popular when I was a teenager. I would lie awake at night, doing everything to keep myself awake because sleeping was the most terrifying thing I could do.
I made an appointment with my primary care provider at the Veterans clinic in Hillsboro. I get the absolute best care with VA and I adore my doctor, Dr. Hansen. He listened to me, and did not tell me I was crazy. He was dubious of the panic attack theory, and felt it was more that I had an allergic reaction that turned into a chronic condition because it wasn’t properly treated. But I think I was also having panic attacks. He listened to me and took me seriously. He asked lots of questions about the meds and changed everything I was doing, focusing mostly on a different kind of inhaler so that I could get the immediate relief I needed to breathe and to calm down, and mostly to sleep. By then it was the end of February and finally I was getting some rest and healing. About April, I finally stopped coughing.
Gratitude is what I woke up to this morning. It was so awful a year ago, and today I don’t hesitate a second to go to sleep. I’m not worried about breathing. When I think that it has happened three times, I am worried that it will happen again. But this time Dr. Hansen and I already have a plan for what to do the moment I begin coughing. I am grateful for my health, for VA medical care, for my doctor, for my man, for therapy, for being able to go to New Zealand.
After ruminating on that whole stressful saga, I come away with how glad I am for my life. ❤
Conscious Engagement 
Having respiratory issues and allergies, I truly sympathize with the situation you were in. People without them, including caregivers, just don’t get it. And not all of us respond as the pharmacopeia states to all the meds. It truly is complex.
Thank you for your understanding. I felt so ridiculous when I considered that my behavior was exactly the same as a panic attack, and I hadn’t realized it. I would just have the tiniest cough, get freaked out, then SLAM! My throat closed. I studied medical records for over a decade with VA, and got to where I could recognize the description of someone else’s panic attack, but it didn’t occur to me that it was happening to me. Having people in the clinics tell me I was not really unable to breathe, and giving me more medications was just making me angry and not helping. After that whole thing, I promise you I have a huge respect for the challenge of people with asthma and allergies. I am so sorry anyone has to suffer with that as part of their living condition.
Hi – the Lord of the Rings tour sounds like a super fun tour to do.
And sorry yours came with a cough – even tho you did push through!
Also, I am convinced that sometimes we are exposed to pesticides and that leads to problems. They treat hotels, centers, and outdoor spaces with so much chemicals – and then if we happen to be there right after a treatment – I believe it is more damaging to our body – or irritating. I have examples, but rather than write too long of a comment, Ijust wanted to say that I think these chemicals, on planes and boat rides too, can trigger allergies and irritations that take a long time to recover from.
**
Oh and I could feel the peace and gratitude you feel this year…. and glad you have that doc you trust
Yvette, the tour was what I had wanted for a decade at least, and it was really wonderful, even though I was sick the whole time. Pedro and I did love New Zealand too, the landscape and the people and the birds and the history and culture as well as the movie stuff. You could as easily be right about a chemical irritant as an allergy to a natural thing. No one was ever sure. I do plan to be on boats and planes and in hotel rooms a lot in my future, so if that’s the cause, I should expect to get hit with it again.
Thank you for saying you could feel the gratitude. Isn’t that a nice emotion to wake up to? I’m glad I was able to put it into the right words.
The gratitude was very nice to take away from this post.
And sadly, you are right about the being on planes and in hotel rooms and all that – and I do have one suggestion.
I am not sure if it will help fully, but it has rescued me many times.
You migth already use essential oils, but if not – get a good brand – I like the Now brand – but there are even better ones. Just do not get a cheapie brand cos they will not work well. –
I suggest getting peppermint and lavender to start with.
Well, you sprinkle it around the hotel rooms – and it can help clean the air. You could even get a smalllittle air purifier – or try to crack the window open a bit – that would help but most are sealed shut.
I also bring a washcloth of my own and put a lot of the essential oils on it and keep it near my pillow when I sleep. The peppermint can wake one up a bit – but I am used to it now. It works so well to keep the air flowing with a fresh essential oil smell – and even if not pesticides – the deoderant sprays and cleaning products are so smelly and irritate as well – and the essential oils help so much.
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and even with not traveling – essential oils are one of my favorite things.
I put some on the lower sleeve and can smell it anytime – and if I am someplace where the air is so-so, I can lift my arm and inhale something fresh.
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Also, not sure where Iearned it – but it can help to put a little oil at the base of your nose – and right in the little entry holes. Castor oil works well – and a little goes a long way – but it really does protect the airways.
sorry to ramble, but these hacks have worked for me.
lastly, I would travel with a small amount of celtic salt. It is jam packed with minerals and does so much for the entire body. Put a small amount under the tongue and at the back of the tongue.
This can also prevent strep throat and calm the body – so the “close ups” do not happen again.
I keep some a container of that salt int he car too!
Thank you for all these ideas. I have a friend that hands out little bags of lavender to her friends every six months or so. I always have fresh lavender on hand and I like to crush the little bag and breathe in. Your ideas will prompt me to bring one of these bags on my next trip. I like the essential oils idea too.
oh that is nice of your friend – and I will not give the whole story know – but i highly suggest traveling with bitters.
I have a gingers and bitters mix right now – from Nature’s Answer – and oh my gosh – it calms the entire body and settles things down –
and okay, I will share one story about how I know first hand. Because if you look it up – it can relax the body and combat nausea –
well I was in a hotel room once and had something in my eye. I decided to use activated charcoal in my eye to get it out. Without thinking, I put the charcoal in my eye and thought it was only a little – well it was so dry = it made my whole body feel sick and I was shaking – somehow I remembered my bitters and grabbed it and put a whole dropper in my might – instantly calmed me. Was it partly psychosomatic? who knows – but when you have tremors and they stop instantly – it felt biologic – – and I flushed my eye (and it did remove the debris)- but I have since learned to use only a dab of charcoal, if needed, and then I put some oil outside the eye and rinse it all for a little cleanse.
anyhow, check out bitters! really love this for travel
You did very well concealing your suffering from your readers – but then you would XX
Something we have in common my friend. Love to you. ❤
🙂 XX
Wow, that sounds absolutely miserable! I’m so happy you are feeling better. That stinks that some medical “professionals” wouldn’t take you seriously. Ugh!
You and me both! Glad I am feeling great and irritated that they wouldn’t listen to me. For as expensive as health care is for us, it sure can be sub-par sometimes. Fingers crossed that we need to use it as little as possible!
Glad you’re better. Sorry about that, but coughing can be a “bore”… My wife has a bit of asthma, she gets a cough in December-January when our temps go down. But she knows exactly what to do now! (MD Daughter!)
Best wishes for 2026…
Thank you Brian! I’m glad your wife has a strategy. This is what I need to curate for myself. I do believe that if I were better prepared, I wouldn’t have suffered so. I have a couple of medically trained relatives and I need to reach out to them more often!
Do reach out. And best wishes on that.
Nasty coughs can really get one down, Crystal. I have empathy. My bouts can go on for weeks. Fortunately, I have’t had one in a while. I have a good GP. So far she has been right on in dealing with what ails me. Plus she has a great sense of humor. Anyway, glad you are doing better this year!
On another note, Peggy has spent the last couple of weeks building a Chinese Lego Hobbit Village. Our grandson Ethan bought it for me for Christmas and I immediately regifted it to Peggy with Ethan’s full approval. He knows who loves puzzles in our family. And this one has hundreds of pieces. Seems like thousands to me.