The very first thing I saw New Year’s morning was a rainbow that stretched end to end across the sky. I had been up late at a party and slept in, so the sun was already up when I woke. I grabbed my good camera, ran onto the deck, and snapped a few…and it wasn’t working. I ran back into the house and grabbed my phone, set it to panorama view, and was able to get the whole thing. Also, bless its little glass and plastic heart, my phone enhances colours, brightens the darks, sharpens, focuses…all without any effort required from me.
When I was done, the sun blinked out. The rains picked up and it poured all day and all night and it’s still raining as I speak.
The rainbow event struck me clearly as a good omen. A full rainbow on the first day of the year and of the decade? The first thing my eyes beheld when I woke? During the only 2 minutes of sunshine in the entire day? Of course there is no other explanation but magic. It’s funny how I’m so pragmatic about most things…but when it suits me, I choose to believe in magic.
I have reflected on my year, and I’m just not sure I have much revelation. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve found the heart of my 2019 story yet. From so much anxiety and fear in January then to so much peace and security in January now – What a year! There is certainly a story there. I’ll eventually hit on the way I want to tell it.
A Good Omen is easier for me to process than a reflection on the year, so the rainbow saved me from a challenging blog post. A Good Omen just means there is good ahead, and I can open myself up to the possibility. My only responsibility is taking advantage of the good when it appears.
I start classes at the University in one week and I can’t tell you how excited I am. I’m not aiming to get a degree, just to brush up on things I should already have learned when I got my Master’s Degree in 2007. I am trying again to be a mediator, since it didn’t work out last time I tried. I want to re-immerse myself in the field, make some connections, find out what’s new in the discipline 13 years later, and -eventually- find a place for myself so that I can start helping others to work out their conflicts. I am receiving a pension, so I can take my time and find a good fit because I don’t need the income. This is all good, good stuff.
Because of classes I won’t be able to run all around the country visiting people like I have been, and I don’t know if I’ll have time to go overseas, and maybe I won’t see as many concerts and Broadway shows. These are things I love, yes, but they have also come in handy as ways to distract myself from my thoughts – that were troubling for so long. I contemplate a 2020 with much less distraction, and I am not afraid of the consequences because my thoughts aren’t scary anymore. Except, you know, only mild horrors like how many times will I have to chase the chickens across a muddy lawn to get them back into the pen before I figure out how they’re getting out, and what will I do about the light fixture in the garage that fries every light bulb I replace?
It has been a long process, but I think my Tara will finally complete all their classes in 2020, and if it happens, that will be a really big deal for both of us. Tara never liked school, not since about 5th grade. They hated middle school, hated high school and sometimes barely passed a class. I tried to provide wise advice by recommending that Tara take a break after high school and join the work force and go to college later. Tara can sometimes be wiser than me, and this was one case of that. Tara suspected that if they left school to work, they might never come back again, and for that reason determined to go directly to college and stay there till there was a degree to show for it. So sure, it has taken longer than 4 years, but it’s definitely going to happen despite the odds.
The idea of being at peace with my brain making all its thoughts, and me not having to be on my guard about those thoughts, might be life-changing. It feels very healthy. I’ve already seen the consequences of a mind at peace because it has allowed me to give more of myself in other areas. I’m an introvert, but this past year I have been eager to spend a whole day with friends, or go to a party. I spent an entire day Christmas shopping at a mall with Tara – and didn’t have to leave due to being overwhelmed. I belong to a women’s group that’s planning a big team race in August, and I never feel awkward with them. That’s a Crystal that I haven’t known for a long time.
So much good stuff.
Speaking of parties with friends, this is what I was wearing during the first moments of 2020:
What is my rainbow omen heralding? Who knows. But whatever it is, of COURSE it’s going to be good. What a year I have ahead of me. I hope you will be there. ❤