Resolving two years ago

My birthday (January 9th) corresponds with the new year, and often I am struck with a sense of opportunity and renewal with both of those events coming together each year. I got off to a slow start in 2011, and spent some quality time rolling around in the dustballs of self pity during December and the first week of January, before launching into the next chapter of my life.

I missed a “New Year’s Resolution” post for January 2010. Today I felt it was time to check and see if my plans had come to fruition, and discovered that there was no post last year that I can review. Drat. I’ll use January 2009’s list then, and see how I did in the last two years.

  1. Well, we did get enough money to begin paying the mortgage again. Together. But I moved out and neither of us has enough to pay it on our own. So, this one is not checked off the list. Half point for settling with Wells Fargo, getting off the endangered list, but nowhere near financially stable.
  2. I’ve been doing much better about enjoying my girl and I try very hard to curb my lectures, but it doesn’t always work. Half point.
  3. I caught Marcus three times. One freaking incredible show at the Crystal Ballroom, and then the show in Kennewick. The winner was at Jan & Mike’s house though. One point.
  4. I used my frequent flier miles to go to Egypt with my kid. Two points for being awesome.
  5. During 2009 I did not see any brothers, but in 2010 I saw all three! I love them all so much. One point.
  6. I did gain self-confidence at work through a collection of reasons. a) My coach (that’s what VA calls supervisors) went on temporary duty to another state for three months, and our stand-in coach was an awesome, awesome supervisor. He made me feel like a valuable employee in mere weeks, and undid a lot of her damage. b) I practiced talking to others about their performance, and found out that I am doing as well as them, and my coach just liked to tell me I was failing. c) We hired a bunch of new people and my coach now has others to pick on. d) I decided to stop taking her words as a slap, and just laughed her off (in my mind, not to her face). She took the cue and started leaving me alone. One point.
  7. Failed miserably here. I wrote about 500 words of my Shemya book in 2009 and zero in 2010. No points.
  8. The aim was to stay open to the Universe. Hm. I think I am less open in that my thoughts are darker, more cynical, more negative. Somehow I need to find a way to keep my inner buoyancy when life plants a gut kick. No points.

Total for the last string of new year’s wishes: 6 points out of 8 possible. That’s pretty good, except for the fact that I gave myself two years to meet the goals of just one year, so I should subtract points for that. Let’s say 4 points out of 8, which is only mediocre, and gives me a target I can improve upon.

My fantasies for the year 2011:

  1. I will spend more time laughing.
  2. I will practice gratitude for my job even though it involves thankless slaving in a cubicle sea under federal government management.
  3. More painting! I must create more oil paintings. It’s so much fun and it is not merely a guilty pleasure; for me, it is living.
  4. Genuine interaction with my friends. Maybe… get some more? I want to get better at asking them to tell me about their lives, listening, and I want to spend more time with them.
  5. Pay off the credit cards. Enough of those already. Jeezums crow!
  6. Resolve the Morrison Street house situation. This one is a long shot. Though I don’t live there anymore, my name is on the mortgage. Mark is struggling to pay for it, and will continue to struggle. We want to sell it, but the chances of that are unlikely because it needs tons of work and we owe more than it’s worth. We want to refinance so just his name is on the mortgage, and that will probably not happen because he doesn’t earn enough and there is no equity.
  7. Participate in Portland’s multitudinous community activities more often.
  8. Start writing my book again. I’ve got two started. Either one, or both, could use some attention.
  9. Go to Hawaii and see Vlad.
  10. If  Dave Matthews and Marcus Eaton will be at the Gorge again in September, I want to go.

Alright, that’s enough to start with.

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