The Real Farmer, Ian Hayman

In the morning we left our hotel in Twizel and took a gravel road north along the eastern shore of Lake Pukakai. We visited Ian Hayman’s farm, Tasman Downs Station, on the shores of Lake Pukaki. One of the first stories he told was about his time with the movie crews working on The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, and how everyone on the movie set went around with titles and when he had the opportunity to explain to people who he was, he said he was A REAL FARMER. And he is. Ian and his family raise Angus beef.

The bus parked on the side of the road, and in a few minutes, a car came tearing up the road and spun a donut beside us. There was a human dummy strapped to the back, which we learned later is Robert. Ian Hayman climbed out of the car, said Hi to Josh, and introduced himself to us.

Ian is helluva storyteller, and he mixed yarns and jokes and real tales and embellished it all, as he explained how his grandfather purchased the farm and how his father Bruce fought and was wounded in WWII, but eventually came home and took over the farm and lived to 88 years. Then Ian took over the farm.

Please follow this link if you are bored: I transcribed most of what he said to us.

He talked about his time among the movie set crews. Since it was his land, Ian was invited to join them during mealtimes, so he said he joined them for every single meal. These were big catered buffets that were intended to feed the entire staff well. He explained that something that kept happening is that he would be in a conversation with someone, and they would suddenly touch their earpiece and begin talking to the voice in their earpiece, usually walking away as they did it. Often right in the middle of a conversation. He said the people who did this took on airs like being on the radio increased their status. One day, Ian went back to his garage and found an antenna, wire, earpiece and an old cellphone, and put them all together. He wore the getup to his next meal. Then, in the middle of conversations, HE would stop and begin having a conversation about cattle, and walk away. He hoped it gave the impression that his own status had been raised.

When crew jackets were made for everyone, with their titles embroidered on them, someone made a jacket for Ian, and embroidered “RF” for real farmer.

Before and after his talk, he proudly brought some saved movie set items out for us to admire. Like the other sites we had seen, Ian was very proud of the movie contraband that had been “accidentally misplaced” so that he could take a couple of things home with him as souveniers when it was all over. He had an old chair, a basket, a fake pepper, tomato, and dried fish.

Then he invited us to walk over toward the water and take a look.

After taking photos from the ledge above the water, Ian led us on a short walk through trees and fields to the site of old Laketown, where the refugees went when Smaug the dragon burned down their wooden town that had been built on platforms in the in lake itself.

After admiring the site, we then walked a bit farther to do some archery. Most people were pretty eager to try this. I was in elf garb, so archery was the perfect activity. Ian and Josh gave us a tutorial on how to use the bows and arrows. Pedro and I were at the back, and got to watch others learn how first.

Everyone got to try it a couple of times. We all aimed for the poster of the dragon Smaug. From the looks of the poster, I think we slayed that dragon!

Mr. Hayman was so good to us. I don’t know how many tour groups he takes care of, but he took good care of us and made us feel like he enjoyed having us there. He loaned his bow and arrow, and let us see all his cool props. He told us about his amazing father, and the life at the farm, and about what it was like for him when movie crews chose his property as a film location. This was a particularly special place to visit, and I will never forget Lake Pukaki or Aoraki/Mt. Cook or Ian Hayman.

Note: If you read the transcript I linked to and want to know more about his father, Bruce Hayman published a book called The Nut that Changed My Life.

Bird count: Zilch today, even though I got some excellent photos of the fantail. I’ve already counted one of those. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll see any new birds. I can’t recall and I have not yet gone through the rest of my photos, so we will find out together. Total: 17 New Zealand birds.